My Birth Stories

My births were rare in today’s world, both spontaneous labours, no vaginal examinations, no drugs, no interventions of any kind, nothing DONE to me. Afterwards both times, I felt like superwoman like “bloody hell if I can do THAT, I can do anything!”

Both times my babies were born in a safe quiet, private space of my choosing with only people I wanted present, my husband and midwives I’d come to know and trust. They came into the world fully alert, instincts and reflexes intact, no separation from me, not for a single minute.

Doula and birth educator Rhea Dempsey states “women who’ve had positive birth experiences should talk about them more, explain their step by step journey to having that positive birth, getting away from the idea that good births just come about by luck”

That’s why I’m sharing mine. Those TV depictions with the woman lying in bed, legs in stirrups, many people present, someone yelling “push!” baby held aloft then handed to her like a prize.

There can be a different way.

I was lucky

Lucky I lived in Australia✔️

Lucky i’m a white, able-bodied, neurotypical woman with no mental health issues✔️

Lucky I’d worked in the system for years, could navigate it, advocate for myself✔️

Lucky I lived near a popular birth centre, my name was drawn from a ballot , gaining me a place✔️

Yet there was more than luck involved. To have a chance of making the birth I wanted happen, my prep was planned, deliberate, the opposite of going with the flow.

I was wide awake to the realities of the maternity system not trusting and accepting whatever was recommended.

I’d never had great self-worth about my body, always on the yo-yo diet treadmill, lots of body hatred going on but DID have that innate confidence in it for birthing.

Pregnant the first time I was so excited, was finally happening to ME! Couldn’t wait to be in labour, for the challenge of managing without drugs, I was Rhea Dempsey’s “willing woman”, I was all in.

My gut instinct was telling me I could do it. My own mum had birthed three babies, her mum four, HER mum four or five, my immediate maternal red thread (love that term) lineage was comforting and Nanna, dads mum gave birth to nine! Would LOVE to go back in time, hear the deets , have conversations with them all ❤️

My lovely GP when I requested referral to the local birth centre was sceptical, “are you sure?” fully expecting me to book with a private OB or at least see her for regular checks. I explained the British way of pregnancy care, midwives being primary carers of pregnant women. She didn’t approve but anyhoo.

This was late 1990’s no social media back then just books and magazines. Reading Ina May Gaskins Spiritual Midwifery had blown my mind, the photos of labouring women so different from what i’d witnessed in hospital. I’d always loved Sheila Kitzingers writing, Micheal Odent, Caroline Flint, Janet Balaskas, Andrea Robertson and Nicky Leap. I was fired up.

Helped that I’d been working for 3 yrs in a small Midwifery Group Practice seeing and helping women birth the way i wanted to.

We women are mammals, affected by our hormones, I knew if certain crucial things were in place, my bodies own oxytocin/beta-endorphin pain-relief cocktail would kick in allowing me to go inward.

The safe place to birth, the calm undisturbed environment, the trusted expert midwife who recognised “normal” in all its varieties, wouldn’t try and save me with offers of pain relief when the going got tough and importantly would be an advocate, my protector if the shit hit the fan.

Lucked out on both occasions, two perfect midwives plus a new grad second time round (supported me enormously at my primal screaming “i can’t do this anymore” )

I would have shattered the peace in my neighbourhood if i’d birthed at home😆, (seriously considered it) terrified the dogs, police may have been called thinking murder was afoot!

Both times early laboured at home in the evening, niggling , off to bed woke up early morning with a bang, “ah THIS is how a strong contraction feels” and second time same but also “ah SHIT! I remember this and I have to do it all over again!”

Walking through the hospital to get to the birth centre, head down, eyes almost closed hanging onto husbands hand like a blind woman, not wanting to catch anyone’s eye, desperate to stay in my zone, stopping huff-puffing with each contraction.

First labour fairly quick, wasn’t in the room all that long when I wanted to vomit, that little catch in the throat and the unmistakeable urge to push, then the big realisation , the surrender part, the omfg no one else can do this but me!!!

I transferred into a deep warm birth pool for pain relief wasn’t calm or controlled at all in the pushing stage (many women are , find this stage easier) found it the most painful part, primal screaming and swearing with each push helped then apologising mortified after each one (who WAS that crazy woman?)

Don’t recall my lovely midwife telling me to be quiet or to save my energy or trying to direct me, reassurance is all I remember, yes she knew how hard it was, yes it IS so painful but “you can do it.” I WAS doing it!

Hadn’t planned on a water birth at all but that’s where I stayed and my little George came flying out into the water straight up into my arms, he’s been in a hurry ever since!

Second time expected the pushing stage would be much quicker but a bigger (4kg!) baby, in a posterior position who didn’t turn, was born that way meant a looong pushing slog. At one point remember telling Rob I needed an epidural but my midwife kept quietly telling me “you can do it, everything is ok.”

So, so glad I didn’t go the epidural route, had the support to keep going, perfectly safe to do so, baby’s heartbeat fine, not in the regular birth suite, no obstetrician knocking on the door.

I KNOW how this scenario pan’s out, been there as midwife too many times.

“Why hasn’t this woman birthed? It’s taking too long?”

IV drip in. Epidural in.

Drop in BP, faint, vomity

Baby doesn’t like it either, heart rate drops, will it recover?

It does but contractions stop

Syntocinon drip

Forceps

Episiotomy cut

Catheter in bladder

Maybe a big blood loss

Maybe baby needs resuscitation

( 🌟NONE of this is a reflection of any woman’s efforts at all, or criticism of midwives, the problem is our embedded medicalised maternity systems processes 🌟)

After my little Ben arrived I felt completely and utterly exhausted but ELATED too , powerful even. Importantly not traumatised in ANY way, could enjoy my baby immediately, no drugs sedating him or me , no IV cannulas, no extra issues interfering with our little bubble.

Our maternity system is a bit broken, (actually that’s not true, as a system it works perfectly, focused on routines, guidelines and policies, not on the women it serves) so much fear and disinformation around birth. Globally the Caesarean section rate is soaring, now so normalised in the everyday world, we forget it’s major abdominal surgery with all the attending risks and the ridiculously high induction rate is based on fear NOT evidence.

Midwife and researcher Dr Sarah Wickham’s book “In Your Own Time” about induction, written “because of a particularly unkind and unprofessional form of communication sometimes used in maternity care”

“sadly I hear from women and families who have been told that they have “a high chance of stillbirth” or that their baby “will almost certainly die if they don’t come in for induction right away,” when this is absolutely not true

(Wickham2021)

“Sheila Kitzinger described this as “emotional blackmail” and many people refer to it as playing a “dead baby card” (Wickham 2021)

“It’s not ok, REALLY not ok” ( Wickam 2022)

I so agree. Another important quote from her

“One thing to remember is that, if a care provider was really worried about your baby, they wouldn’t be offering induction, which can take three days to get going. If they were that worried or the risk was really high, they would and should be offering an immediate caesarean section”

Young girls should be taught about the magic and intelligence of their body, their cycles and birth, starting in school, guarantee they would love it!

Obstetrician-Gynaecologist Dr Peta Wright in her book Healing Pelvic Pain writes, “It’s not a weakness that we create an egg each month, that our hormones rise and fall in a fashion that’s different from men, that our bodies are capable of creating and holding life. Or that our bodies have the power to release our uterine lining to start again each month. This difference doesn’t make women weak. It makes us bloody amazing.”

Author and birth activist Milli Hill states in her recent book My Period “Most of all you are going to start feeling really, really proud of your period, your amazing body and all the brilliant things it can do.”

Looking back my mum’s reaction to mine was a gift, I was mortified, she delighted! Remember her cheerfully saying “now you’re a woman!” Was deemed something to celebrate.

So harmful for young minds to be filled with fearful stories of horror births and inaccurate dramatic media depictions of the “This Is Going To Hurt” genre, (don’t watch it!)

Instead they should be told how amazing female bodies are, how strong they are, that birthing without drugs, technology and intervention is possible (not what our culture is telling them) if that’s what they want, if given real choice, the right support and environment.

They should choose pregnancy caregivers carefully, ask pertinent questions, don’t just follow their friends/ family, know the consequences of handing their pregnancy care, body and power over to “expert” private obstetricians whose main expertise is surgery or to shared care with a local GP who has limited or outdated pregnancy expertise.

Disclaimer. I have the utmost respect for my obstetrician colleagues ❤️ if you don’t work in that world, see it up close you won’t realise how hard their job is , how brutal the hours are, the ultimate responsibility managing obstetric complications day in day out immense (the system of course causes many of them🤦‍♀️)

But their expertise is NOT in supporting physiological labour and birth.

All respect to women who don’t want a drug free birth too, who want the epidural straight up or don’t even want to consider a vaginal birth, as long as they’re properly informed, REALLY aware of all the possible outcomes of their choices.

I come across so many women in my job day-to-day, surprised, shocked even at hospital guidelines and policies, often don’t/ didn’t realise how the system can be set up to fail them despite us midwives doing our best.

So our conveyer belt-like maternity system is failing women, our culture and its attitudes to birth are failing them, our antenatal education is failing them and in countries like Australia and the USA, private obstetricians incentivised to keep their market share, to keep birth medicalised are part of the problem.

Real choice is limited. The evidence now very clear that midwifery continuity of care models provide the best outcomes for mothers and babies and yet less than 10% of Australian women can access this, have a midwife care for them who knows their story, their life, their circumstances, who becomes invested in them and is guaranteed to be at their birth. Babies die less, are harmed less in these models, women are less traumatised, less rates of postnatal depression are reported

Few women can safely access home birth in Australia, it’s not well understood, criticised heavily, support for women wanting it is poor and the midwife’s practice comes under intense scrutiny, the kind NOT given to obstetricians in hospitals.

The fact is, low risk women accessing a home birth near a hospital with degree educated highly trained midwives who KNOW and understand physiological birth, who carry the drugs and equipment to respond to any emergency is as safe if not safer than hospital birth.

Most of my friends here in Australia chose private obstetrician care and were happy (I believe) with their choices and decisions. That is SO important.

Feeling safe. Having Choice. Feeling in control. Having full involvement in your care.

I love what private practice homebirth midwife Jo Hunter has to say

“I think we need to be careful to make this not an us-and-them situation where there’s obstetrics and there’s midwifery. I think that if we could set up a system whereby, all women had a known midwife but those midwives were well connected into a system where they can access obstetric care if they need it, then that’s going to be gold”

Free birth is on the rise, women choosing birth at home with no support, just them, a partner and maybe a doula. Maybe they’ve suffered trauma from their previous birth, resulting in PTSD, maybe they hate hospitals or have a history of sexual abuse and don’t trust anyone, especially those working in a hospital. They can’t afford a private midwife , the local public hospital doesn’t fund homebirth, they become desperate and in this vulnerable state decide to birth with no professional assistance.

Women come in to hospital for induction trusting, not REALLY knowing how it will be.

Sleep will be difficult with multiple newborns crying around them. Buzzers will be buzzing. Midwives checking them regular… Its highly likely a bed will not be available on birth suite to proceed in a timely manner to the next stage, breaking waters and starting the synthetic hormone drip.

When finally IN established labour the synthetic oxytocin (syntocinon) no matter how carefully we titrate, will intensify contractions quickly, there is no gentle slow build up, that annoying IV cannula is in place, continuous monitoring of the baby recommended (babies don’t like being induced!) meaning an ultrasound probe is held onto their belly with an elastic strap and natural movement is inhibited, the use of shower or pool limited.

All this understandably means epidural is common and therefore episiotomies, forceps, vacuum deliveries and caesareans are much more likely, baby arrives exhausted and is more likely to need extra care and separation from them. Sigh. The system unfortunately always has the system’s best interest at heart, not the woman’s

Some women are absolutely fine with this above scenario, are grateful, but many, many are not, left deeply traumatised having felt unsafe, overwhelmed, not listened to.

“The system weakened me by taking away my power, by abandoning my birthing body & my birthing mind”

(Birth Talks Blog)

Midwives can be vicarious victims of this too from being with the women , feeling powerless themselves, unable to prevent certain situations or not able to give appropriate care because of understaffing when caring for large numbers of women and babies on postnatal wards.

Heavy stuff but so important to talk about. The high numbers of women feeling sad, disappointed , shocked or downright traumatised after their birth experience is not good enough.

But there is hope!

My list of favourite resources are below. I personally believe it’s worth investing money on birth and pregnancy care, in fact it’s vitally important! Look at the money young couples spend on weddings, cars and mortgages?

I recommend researching doula support for labour and after, look into private midwifery care, look at hypnobirthing courses (go on, it’s not what you think!) and maybe even a short-term cleaner for the immediate post-birth time if no family available to help.

Be aware of the hidden extra costs if choosing private care, the cost of private paediatrician examinations on your healthy little newborn. Of course that might be a priority spend for you 🤷‍♀️

Further recommendations below.

Movies, Birth Time and Born At Home. Both informative, entertaining, realistic and beautifully made and importantly not scaremongering.

In Australia, if keen on hiring your own private midwife (Medicare rebates available) or accessing public Birth Centres or a Midwifery Group Practice see your GP as SOON as you know you’re pregnant, get that referral in asap. ( update 2024, believe you can now refer yourself directly to them without GP middleman)

Many private Obstetrician Gynaecologists in Australia, but beware the ‘popular’ ones spots fill up quickly. Appointments are short, no guarantees they’ll be at your birth, might be their on-call partner and usually you won’t see them until the end of labour. Also keep in mind their main expertise is in surgery and gynaecology problems NOT normal birth.

Some have their own midwives on staff, offering collaborative care, this seems to me like the best option, I hear many women happy with this set-up.

Eligible Private Practise midwives in Queensland offer medicare rebates, all antenatal checks at home or in small personal clinics, labour care at home, your midwife at the birth in hospital and postnatal care until baby is six weeks old! Extra for a homebirth (I believe?)

Dr Rachel Reed of Midwifethinking blog, her website, her books, Reclaiming Childbirth As A Right Of Passage and Why Induction Matters both fabulous resources.

The Midwives Cauldron podcast. The Great Birth Rebellion podcast. Listen to both, from the very first episodes.

Dr Sara Wickham’s website and books.

Try a hypnobirthing class, it’s not what you think! Not about achieving a pain- free birth 🤨🤨🤨 (extremely rare, but does happen) It’ll prepare your mind for any eventuality, prepare your partner to support you. On Instagram look at Katherine Graves of KGHypnobirthing the original and ultimate best teacher kghb.org/ and Hackneyhypnobirthing fabulous too.

Why Hypnobirthing Matters by Katrina Berry, an excellent concise little book. It’ll change how you think about birth, dispel myths.

Brisbane Hypnobirthing teacher Mother Down Under.

The Birth Mapping website has an extensive heap of free resources, Catherine Bell’s book of the same name an essential pre conception/ pregnancy read (I think), turns the idea of birth plans on their head. Covers ALL possible labour and birth scenarios, helps you and your partner deliberate and think what you will do if they happen

Hope I’ve entertained, informed, empowered!💪🏻

Lindsey Crossan Registered Midwife/Nurse