Author: lcrossan

1. ⭐️Be yourself, write truthfully with integrity and good intentions.

2. 🫣Try not to sound like too much of a w*#•er (tho some will think you are😆🤷‍♀️)

3. 🤐 Patient/woman’s privacy and confidentiality first and foremost. No one should recognise themselves or their situation.

4. ❌Write about hypothetical scenarios/patients or a blend of, not real-life stuff, nothing recent😱

5. ✍️Be fully informed of your hospital’s social media policy and professional organisation’s code of ethics & conduct.

6. 🫶Write about what you know, feel passionate about.

7. ❤️Always, always keep work buddies in mind, they’re your people. You can have different opinions but still like and respect each other.

8. 😇Write for the common good, maybe to help improve a situation, not to create outrage or worry.

9. 🧐Ask yourself why you feel the need to put it out there?

10. 💪🏻If you think you might impact even ONE person in a positive way, go on, do it, be brave

Arriving in Oz joined an agency needing a salary asap.

First shift, morning on the postnatal floor of a large public hospital, old building, no AC, stinking hot 35-degree day, white dress, tights clinging, whir of multiple fans, sweat trickling down my back.

Women and babies familiar, nothing else, paperwork, language, jargon all different, midwives over-worked, unfriendly. “ain’t coming back here” I thought.

(agency midwife/nurses hated on sight or adored)

Jumped at full-time job offer from small private hospital, no idea what I was walking into. Private obstetrics 1995. What a shock.

Orientation day, “women are our customers, so are the doctors.”

Customers? Righto.

Midwives lovely (reason I stayed so long) Scottish accent and jargon a source of entertainment, the puzzled looks, what IS she talking about? Guthrie test? Pyrexia? Venflon? Viii … tamin K. Why are the women grand?

For me, Oz terminology. “Jug’s”of IV fluids. “Grab us a Kylie?” 😆 “Bub” for baby. Instant promotion to “sister” (NHS title for nurse in charge.)

Older doctors, white shorts, knee high socks looking like they’d come to fix the electrics. World away from the white coated, bow-tie wearing docs in Edinburgh.

Quirky staff, one midwife fostering baby possums often produced a wooly bag from the nether regions of her bra, teeny furry baby in situ, kid you not. 😆 Visions of one falling out on the bed along with a placenta! 😩

Calling DOCTOR’S to “deliver” women spontaneously labouring took some getting used to (never did, had to leave)

Glimmers of hope from new young obstetrician … woman standing, leaning over the bed, baby imminent. Into the dimly lit room he came, didn’t bat an eyelid or say anything, membranes ruptured, (whoosh!!) he gamely caught baby as she stood, shoes and shirt soaked in liquor 😆

Consultant pediatricians, visiting daily, (expensively) reassuring for the mothers.

Epidural service excellent, no delays. One anaesthetist stood out, always cheerful, middle of the night too, epidurals placed quicker than I’d ever seen before (or since)

Grabbed his own equipment, don’t THINK he held syringe and needle in his mouth like vets in the paddock (did he??) emanating done this a million times before vibe. “All done sis!” off he’d go on his way back to bed, woman pain free, me scratching my head, gobsmacked.

As per Scotland, babies lined up in the ward nursery in rows, (casual separation from their mothers beggars belief) swaddled tight. No disposable nappies, adorned in bulky cloth held on with actual pins or three-pronged plastic grabbers.

Lots of nighttime baby cuddling here.

Most of the women were breastfeeding, amazing! (Breasts in Scotland primarily for the male gaze. FEEDING with them?? “Whit!! Naw! Embarrassing!”)

After a year, where could I go? Independent practice, home-birth midwifery? No kids of my own, energetic (changed days 😆) idealistic, wanting the best for women.

Interviewed with local independent midwife, could’ve walked into the role, no extra hoop-jumping (1996) thought long and hard (still have the contract!) sliding doors moment, followed my gut, couldn’t make the leap (shame)

Back in a big hospital, three-year pilot midwifery continuity of care team, wonderful. Women loved it (course they did) midwives too. It came crashing down eventually (long story) me too, 1999, had my own delightful first bub, living out at ‘the farm,’ rest is history!

23yrs ago today, 7am Rob and I hit rush hour traffic, me in full – on labour, waters had broken the night before, two weeks early!

Don’t remember much about the journey but singing Christmas carols loudly at the height of each contraction😆 and talking to my mum and dad in Scotland

Into the birth centre, midwife Karen already there, I paced and paced, didn’t want to be touched or massaged. Essential oils and calming music? Haha nope, way too late for any of that.

The wanting to vomit, the little catch in the throat, the unmistakeable urge to push, the realisation, omfg no one can do this but me😩

Into the pool, primal birthing woman activated no calm or control, screaming, swearing with each push then apologising mortified after each one (who was that crazy woman?) 😆

Then at 1058hrs exactly, out flew gorgeous water baby George, worth every single contraction 💕

Happy Birthday son and well done me! 💪🏻😉😆

P.S. Every woman who’s birthed a baby/babies should remember how awesome they were, no matter how that baby arrived in the world, the inductions, the premmies, the Caesar’s, the forceps, remember to congratulate yourself! 💪🏻😉😉

1. ⭐️Be an Early Bird no snoozing till 10am, the beasts will be awake, need tending (Every. Single. Morning)

2. 🐮Have A genuine love of animals in all their glory, they’re a big responsibility.

3. ⚡️The ability to embrace chaos, even with the best management, animals escape, storms wreck planting, equipment breaks down

4. ⭐️The ability to embrace mess, formal gardeners look away! Free- range chickens and neat garden beds don’t go together.

5. 🍀An appreciation of nature and the outdoors, enjoy being outside, in all weathers

6. 🐓Barn and chicken coop cleaning skills, those cute photos on social media of animals snuggled in clean straw, eating from shiny clean dishes? That takes work, there’s a lot of shit shovelling behind the scenes.

7. ⏰Time! Don’t under estimate how much time and energy it takes to keep it all functioning well. Are you up for it?

8. 🏠Reliable Pet/House sitters on speed dial or you’ll never go away

9. 🧑‍🌾An ability to ask or pay for help, can’t do it all on your own, you just can’t

10. ⭐️Energy The jobs are never ending. If you find yourself exhausted or resentful maybe time to rethink this lifestyle or embrace number 9!

Things i’ve learned.

In addition to antiseptics and bandaids, Australian first aid kits need tick removers, anti-histamines, Stingoes, a snake bandage. 😳

Teeny weeny Scottish spiders will seem cute compared to their large Antipodean cousins.

It’s ok to scream like a banshee when a Huntsman spider hiding in the letter box runs up yer arm or fat, blood-filled leech detaches from yer abdomen and splats at yer feet (it did) having had its fill as you walked through the rainforest earlier.

Continue reading “Arachnids, Reptiles and Many Small Beasties”