Author: lcrossan

1. ⭐️Be yourself, write truthfully with integrity and good intentions.

2. 🫣Try not to sound like too much of a w*#•er (tho some will think you are😆🤷‍♀️)

3. 🤐 Patient/woman’s privacy and confidentiality first and foremost. No one should recognise themselves or their situation.

4. ❌Write about hypothetical scenarios/patients or a blend of, not real-life stuff, nothing recent😱

5. ✍️Be fully informed of your hospital’s social media policy and professional organisation’s code of ethics & conduct.

6. 🫶Write about what you know and feel passionate about.

7. ❤️Always, always keep work buddies in mind, they’re your people. You can have different opinions but still like and respect each other.

8. 😇Write for the common good, maybe to help improve a situation, not to create outrage or worry.

9. 🧐Ask yourself why you feel the need to put it out there?

10. 💪🏻If you think you might impact even ONE person in a positive way, go on, do it, be brave

Doctor’s gather in the hallway like rainbow lorikeets coming to roost.

Bedside, a red button on the wall is pushed, “don’t worry M…, lots of people will arrive soon, you need some extra help.”

Blue curtains whooshed back, “need me to call?”

“Yep”

A seamless dance begins, crash-trolley in, furniture back, medics swoop, a nurse tells the story “this is M… 70-year old lady with …….”

A junior doc kneels, tap tap taping, looking for a vein, another, stethoscope in ears listens to lungs, two others confer, “we need to, I think, lets….”

M is shaking, pale-faced, her nurse soothes, another preps an IV, checks the existing spaghetti (where will it fit?) another documents events.

Diagnosis ✔️, treatment ✔️, plan ✔️, then quick as they arrived, the docs are gone, M’s crisis is under control (for now.)

She’s exhausted, eyes shut.

Button-pushing nurse, her day just starting, clears up the mini-medical hurricane, face frowny, thinking what’s next, of her other patients, especially ‘dropped down’ from ICU lady, a crumpled tiny heap in the bed, numerous lines, pumps and drains in – situ, catheter too, massive wound, not out of the woods yet, needing much skilled nursing care and TLC

The nurse also wonders where her holding-down-the-fort buddy is? How’s she going? Teamwork really is the dream work here.

Meantime sweet elderly patient, buzz, buzz, buzzes, shouts “my drugs, where are my drugs? I WANT them” upset, out of her normal routine, “i’m very sorry, I know, bringing them now” placates her.

Rest of the day is difficult, a chasing tails day, every small thing that could go wrong, does.

With a massive push the nurses finish, satisfied, spent, needing a bit of tlc themselves. Chatting on the way out, slowly leaving hospital world behind, enjoying the sight of the blue sky, warm sun on their skin.

Arriving home, “how was work?”

“Fine”

The nurse eats, sleeps, rests body and brain, preparing to do it all over again. Tomorrow will be better.

Arriving in Oz joined an agency needing a salary asap.

First shift, morning on the postnatal floor, large public hospital, old building, no AC, stinking hot 35-degree day, white dress and tights clinging, whir of multiple fans, sweat trickling down my back.

Women and babies familiar, nothing else, paperwork, language, jargon all different, midwives over-worked, unfriendly. “ain’t coming back here”

(*working agency, you’re either hated on sight or adored)

Full-time job offer from small private hospital, jumped at it, no idea what I was walking into. The private system a shock.

Orientation day, “women are our customers, so are the doctors”

Customers? Righto.

Midwives lovely (reason I stayed so long) Scottish accent and jargon a source of entertainment, the puzzled looks, what IS she talking about? Guthrie test? Pyrexia? Venflon? Viii … tamin K. Why are the women grand?

For me the Oz terminology, “jug’s”of IV fluids, “grab us a Kylie?” 😆”bub” for baby and instant promotion to “sister” title in the NHS for the nurse in charge.

Older doctors, white shorts and knee high socks looking like electricians. World away from the white coated, bow-tie wearing docs in Edinburgh.

Quirky staff, one midwife fostered baby possums often producing a wooly bag from the nether regions of her bra, teeny furry baby in situ, kid you not. 😆 Visions of one falling out on the bed along with a placenta! 😩

Calling DOCTOR’S to “deliver” women with spontaneous normal labour took some getting used to (never did, had to leave)

Glimmers of hope from newer young obstetrician … woman standing, leaning over the bed, baby imminent. Into the dimly lit room he came, he didn’t bat an eyelid or say anything, her membranes ruptured, (whoosh!!) he gamely caught baby as she stood, shoes and shirt soaked in liquor 😆

Consultant pediatricians, visiting daily, (expensively) reassuring for the mothers.

Epidural service excellent, no delays. One anaesthetist stood out, always cheerful even in the middle of the night, epidurals placed quicker than I’d seen before (or since)

Grabbed his own equipment, don’t THINK he held syringe and needle in his mouth like vets in a cow paddock (did he??) gave off a relaxed, done this a million times before vibe. “All done sis!” off he’d go on his cheery way back to bed, woman pain free, me scratching my head, gobsmacked.

As per Scotland, babies lined up in the ward nursery in rows, (casual separation from their mothers beggars belief) swaddled tight. No disposable nappies, adorned in bulky cloth held on with actual pins or three-pronged plastic grabbers.

Lots of nighttime baby cuddling here.

Most of the women were breastfeeding, amazing! (Breasts in Scotland primarily for the male gaze. FEEDING with them?? “Whit!! Naw! Embarrassing!”)

After a year, where could I go? Independent practice, home-birth midwifery? No kids of my own, energetic (changed days 😆) idealistic, wanting the best for women.

Interviewed with local independent midwife, could’ve walked into the role, no extra hoop-jumping (1996) thought long and hard (still have the contract!) sliding doors moment, followed my gut, couldn’t make the leap (shame)

Back in a big hospital, three-year pilot midwifery continuity of care team, wonderful. Women loved it (course they did) midwives too. It came crashing down eventually (long story) me too, 1999, had my own delightful first bub, living out at ‘the farm,’ rest is history!

23yrs ago today, 7am Rob and I hit rush hour traffic, me in full – on labour, waters having broken the night before, two weeks early!

Don’t remember much about the journey but singing Christmas carols loudly at the height of each contraction😆 and talking to my mum and dad in Scotland

Into the birth centre, midwife Karen already there, I paced and paced, didn’t want to be touched or massaged, none of that rubbish! Essential oils and calming music? Haha nope, way too late for any of that.

The wanting to vomit, the little catch in the throat, the unmistakeable urge to push, the realisation, omfg no one can do this but me😩

Into the pool, primal birthing woman activated no calm or control, screaming, swearing with each push then apologising mortified after each one (who was that crazy woman?) 😆

Then at 1058hrs exactly, out flew gorgeous water baby George, worth every single contraction 💕

Happy Birthday son and well done me! 💪🏻😉😆

P.S. Every woman who’s birthed a baby/babies should remember how awesome they were, no matter how that baby arrived in the world, the inductions, the premmies, the Caesar’s, the forceps, remember to congratulate yourself! 💪🏻😉😉

1. ⭐️Be an Early Bird no snoozing till 10am, the beasts will be awake, need tending (Every. Single. Morning)

2. 🐮Have A genuine love of animals in all their glory, Its a big responsibility.

3. ⚡️The Ability to embrace chaos, even with the best management, animals escape, storms wreck planting, equipment breaks down

4. ⭐️The Ability to embrace mess, formal gardeners look away! Free- range chickens and neat garden beds don’t go together.

5. 🍀An Appreciation for nature and the outdoors, enjoy being outside, in all weathers

6. 🐓Barn and chicken coop cleaning skills, those cute photos on social media of animals snuggled in clean straw, eating from shiny clean dishes? That takes work, there’s a lot of shit shovelling behind the scenes.

7. ⏰Time! Don’t under estimate how much time and energy it takes to keep it all functioning well. Are you up for it?

8. 🏠Reliable Pet/House sitters on speed dial or you’ll never go away

9. 🧑‍🌾An ability to ask or pay for help, can’t do it all on your own, you just can’t

10. ⭐️Energy The jobs are never ending. If you find yourself exhausted or resentful maybe time to rethink this lifestyle or embrace number 9!

Things i’ve learned.

In addition to the usual plasters, crepe bandages and antiseptics, Australian first-aid kits need tick removers, anti-histamines, Stingoes and a snake bandage. 😳

It’s ok to scream like a banshee when a Huntsman spider runs up your arm or turgid leech falls ‘splat’ at your feet (it did) having sneakily attached itself an hour ago as you walked innocently through the rainforest.

Teeny weeny Scottish spiders will seem cute compared to their large Antipodean cousins.

Continue reading “Arachnids, Reptiles and Many Small Beasties”